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Dating In Your 30s

Couple dancing
Dating in your 30s

When I was 36 I separated from my husband. We had a son together who was 5 years old at the time.

The thought of getting back into the dating pool was a long ways from my mind.

Inevitably, eventually it became a desire of mine to begin dating again.

It did not go over well.

My ex wasn't ready for me to be dating again and made it very difficult for me to move on.

Relationships can be messy, they can be tumultuous and they can make it difficult to move forward to find your happiness.

I am writing this blog post to remind you that you deserve love, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to find the person who compliments you and fills you up.

I am writing this to remind you that whatever is happening right now is only temporary and that things can change in an instant, so keep going!

Dating after a break-up, especially after one that has torn down your confidence and made you question what you really want, can be intimidating and nerve-wracking. BUT, it doesn't have to be.

When I began dating after my separation, I was unprepared. I had been with my husband since I was 23 years old and I jumped back into the dating world like I was 23 again. Except, I was a completely different person.

My needs, my wants and my expectations had changed and I decided that I was going to push these all away and try and be something that I really wasn't anymore.

What I learned is that it is more than ok to have needs and wants and to have these met.

As women, we like to take care of others and be accommodating. There is no place for this in dating in your 30s.

You will save soooo much time if you state what you are looking for early in your dating someone. I found that some men did not want to commit, especially after being with someone for a long time.

It's not a surprise that when we start over in our 30s, we all have some baggage. There may be kids on both sides and melding lives can be a challenge.

Stating what you want from a relationship and what you're looking for gives the other a chance to say if they are open to moving in the same direction you are.

If one person is looking for someone to have fun with and hang out with every couple of weeks and the other is looking for someone they could settle down with, it can create hurt feelings and can drive a person crazy wondering why they are moving so much slower than they would like.

What I did to combat this mismatch is, when I was ready to date seriously, I sat down and made a list of what exactly I was looking for in a partner.

I am happy to report that after a year and a half, and a few unsuccessful dating experiences later, he walked into my life and has been hear ever since. It will be four years together and we could not be happier.

Being clear about what you are looking for can make the uncertainty disappear.

I have seen so many women accept a lot of men, and vice versa, because they didn't want to be alone. They usually believe that they can change them. That once they fall in love, they will be the people that they really want.

This never happens. It usually ends in conflict and broken hearts.

Get ok with being alone. Know what you deserve and don't settle for any less. Enjoy your alone time and learn to relish it because it will not be forever.

Enjoy not having to wash someone else's underwear, or put up with their snoring, or listen to their chewing....I don't know, whatever bad habits that will eventually get under your skin.

Being alone is not the worst thing in the world and when they right person does come along, you will appreciate them that much more.

Love yourself first and others will follow suit.

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