Long Distance Relationships? Good Idea?

Are you currently trying to navigate a long distance relationship?

Is it proving to be stressful, or not exactly what you were looking for but you're afraid to give it up?

If so, this post is for you.

Long distance relationships and their chance of long-term success completely depends on you and what your needs and expectations of a relationship are.

After my marriage ended, my first real relationship, or what I considered one, was long distance. We had to drive an hour to see each other. This may not seem like such long distance to some considering we were close enough to see one another frequently but, jobs, kids and our lives generally got in the way of seeing each other as much as we wanted. I cared about him very much but I found myself always wanting more....more time, more talking, more open communication, more togetherness. It felt like we never had enough time to really get to know one another. After a year, we still had not said I love you and we were in the same routine of struggling to find time for one another. I was not happy with the situation and neither of us were willing to do what needed to be done to make it work. Obviously it was not a match meant to be.

However, I digress. Some situations are meant to be and I am going to share how you can tell if he's worth it or not.

1. If you are not constantly asking yourself how he's feeling.

   If you are in a long distance relationship and you feel both of you are being completely honest and open about your feelings and not pressuring one another to be something other than you are, long distance may work out.

If you find yourself being left on read and wondering where he is or who he is out with, let it go sister friend. This is not the relationship for you.

2. If you are comfortable changing your plans according to how the relationship goes.

   When I was dating long distance it was difficult for me to change my future plans because I had a home, a job, a child and family where I lived. I was unwilling to move to be with this person full time, and if he was also unwilling to move, there was little chance of it working out. So, if you are dating long distance for long term prospects, be prepared to change gears or keep things the exact same.

3. If you are in secure in yourself and can trust someone who is far away.

   Let's face it, some people just have trust issues and need reassurance when dating someone that they are the only one. I am one of these people. I hate the thought of competing with a bunch of girls for someone's attention. I get that some people want the option to do that but these people are not for me. I am secure and I am able to trust but if I am dating someone across the country there is no way I am going to trust that they are faithful to me and not trying to find someone closer to them. Just make sure you are secure and able to trust this person with your heart before you give it to them.

4. Finally, make sure there is chemistry.

   I know a few people who have went all in with someone they met online, never met in real life and moved a few provinces over on a whim to be with them. Luckily this worked out. They may not be together today but it did turn into a relationship that lasted several years. Make sure there is physical chemistry before you make the hugedecision to move in with them. By this I mean, maybe fly out to see them a few times before you jump in with both feet. Meet up, go on a couple of dates, spend the weekend together, have sex, just make sure there is something there before you pack up your life only to end up with a short term roommate.

Long distance relationships are not always doomed to fail. However, they are challenging and not for everyone. It really does depend on what you are looking for in a relationship and what you are willing to sacrifice for love.

If it is going to make you resentful, suspicious, jealous or any of those nasty, unpleasant emotions, stick to dating in your own pond. However, if you are ok with seeing someone less, talking on the phone or texting, travelling to see them, or changing your long term plans for love, long distance could be just the opportunity to spread your wings.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the love in the world because you deserve it. And don't forget it.

Take care of yourself,

XOXO

Jenn