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Should You Text and Date?

Dating in the 21st century is more complicated than it has ever been.

There are more people involved in your relationships, social media is involved and creates pressure, and there are so many more opportunities for conflict. Texting is a breeding ground for conflict in your dating relationships.

Texting is not something I would recommend doing a lot of when you are dating someone.

First, being attached to your phone and being available by text screams desperation and lack of appreciation for your own time. If you are answering a text message within a couple of seconds of your object of affection sending one off, they could get a visual of you sitting on top of your phone at home, willing them to text you. People with their own lives and interests are always more appealing than those waiting for someone else to fill a void in their lives.


My advice it to live your own life and not impatiently wait for someone to pay you a little attention.

I have experienced a couple of dating situations in which the majority of our communication was through text and there were always more questions at the end of a conversation than answers.

Unless the texts consists of solely of, what your location is, what time you'll be there, drive safe, have a good day, so on and so on; you should steer clear of texting.

The difficulty lies in that our lives are geared towards sending messages and online communication more than in person communication. Connection and communication has become so easy and convenient, and yet, we are misunderstanding each other more than we ever have.

Not everyone is a good writer. Not everyone can convey exactly what they are feeling and what exactly they mean through the written word. In fact, more of the population is becoming more inept at the written word than ever before. It is becoming a bit of a lost art with the quick communication and short hand that is more common through younger generations.

Not only is it difficult to write a message in a way to convey the exact way you feel, it is impossible to predict the inference that the recipient will draw from the message.

When reading, the subject matter is highly perceptive. When communicating by text, you are missing body language, tone of voice, facial expression and the other persons energy.

There is so much opportunity when reading a text to construe it with your own perceptions and tone that you give it. The way you read it could be completely different than the way the other person meant it.

This has happened to me so many times. I have been told that I sound angry in a text or the other person has asked me if there was something wrong, when in fact, there is nothing wrong.

The other person is drawing from my words what they wish to infer from it or reading in in a way I had not intended to sound.

The oddest part of dating and texting and how awkward it can make things, is that so many people use dating apps which starts the dating experience with messaging as their first mode of communication.


Meeting someone in person and meeting someone through a message and a picture is so different, and yet it is convenient. We don't actually have to go out and be social and put ourselves out there. We can sit at home and meet people from the safety of our own couch. We can even work, take care of the kids, do laundry, watch tv, and knit at the same time we are introducing ourselves to someone.

We can also end up feeling badly about ourselves when our chat buddy ghosts us after finding someone with a nicer picture and a more appealing profile to chat with.

I know we think that dating online is a great thing and it opens up our options, but it goes against our need for human connection and where real attraction lies, in the initial attraction to someone's energy and being. Judging if we are attracted to their photograph, the way they write a message, or if have good punctuation is not a real connection, it's hope of a real connection.

I dated a few people I met online and it never ended up working out. My fiance, I met the old fashioned way, through mutual friends and our connections in our home town.

I'm not saying that online dating never works or that it is a waste of time. I learned a lot from all my dating experiences. However, I am saying...get offline and into each others lives as soon as possible. If there is a connection, the fastest way to make sure there is a real connection is to meet in real life (where you feel safe and comfortable). Also, don't text...if you want to have a real conversation or you have something you need to discuss....just pick up the phone and call. Texting is impersonal and leaves too much opportunity to draw inferences you never wanted the other person to infer.

Take care of yourselves. XO

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