I have heard many women say that the men they choose don't know how to treat them. They keep choosing men who are not affectionate, or don't know how to be in a relationship, or are commitment-phobic. These same women, who are aware they are not being treated the way they would prefer to be treated, are still holding on to these relationships in hope that the man will change and come around. Why?
I have the answer.
Our relationships and our feelings about ourselves as a person are related, as in they grow parallel to each other. The relationships you choose to be in are a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves and what we deserve.
If you thought highly of yourself and acted like the high-value woman I know you are, you would not allow poor treatment from someone in your life. If they happened to treat you poorly and did not adjust their behaviour, this person would no longer be in your life.
A woman who does not have the confidence or does not value herself as they should, will tolerate behaviour that is less than desirable.
I know this because I was one of these women.
When I was young, an awkward teenager, I struggled with self-esteem, self-worth, confidence, and looking in the mirror and seeing someone worthy staring back at me. I never thought I was pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough or interesting enough to have a boyfriend. So I didn't. I spent most of my teenage years hoping and dreaming of being with someone who cherished me but settled for boys who wanted a quick physical encounter and that was it. This was because I did not believe I was worth more.
As I grew older and reached my early 20s, my confidence grew a bit but not enough, so the relationship I chose and clung to was an unhealthy one. I ended up marrying an older man who was jealous and possessive who would manipulate me to get his way.
As I got older and had a child and gained some life experience, my confidence grew, and the work I did on myself helped me leave my relationship and become the woman I am today. The relationships I chose along the way, after my separation, reflected each stage of life I was in. As I grew, so did my expectations of people, especially the people who were in my everyday life.
I required people who would lift my spirits, who would encourage me and be my cheerleaders, who gave me a calming and safe feeling. I knew I wanted a calm and satisfying life in where I was safe in being myself and chasing my dreams. I needed people who wanted to support me and had their own dreams and goals that I could support them in.
Only when we become completely comfortable with ourselves and our lives do we find those who are the kindred spirits. Our tribe awaits for us to rise and meet them. Only when we are aligned do we find our true nature. This nature is to be independent.
When you are OK with being alone and being able to stand on your two feet can you call in the right people and be in the 'right' relationships. Until then, we enjoy the journey of the ups and downs, learn our lessons and take them with us. Each step brings us closer to exactly what we want. Our true connection is with ourselves and that is the number one relationship you need to work on consistently. The others will always fall into place.
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